christina_blog

i don't know why but i think it's time to close down this blog once and for all.  there were pasts which i hated to be reminded of  because i am totally not proud about it. plus it's kinda of a pressure when people come up to me and say, " hey, you look thinner from your blog last time". WTF, that is killing me. i don't need you guys to remind me i am not longer gorgeous okay? the hideous character shall disappear, return or not it all depends on my unforeseeable life. yeah, i only like sharing positive and happy moments. my blog goes empty when i am wretched.

goodbye(:


//updates

goodness, LJ don't seem to have "cancel account" option. arghz!! i want to delete this whole blog!!

Saturday is the nicest day of the week because you don't have to bother about tomorrow.
naturally, everyone sane person is dying to flee out of the house to party or chill out but not me.

because...


i am just being myself today. life is taking on its toll recently and my energy drains. After working so hard in school and for life, it's time to reward myself by having the freedom and peace on my own. Block out from the outside world, without comparison everything seems absolutely beautiful.

i really need a break to get myself pamper at home. no place is as relaxing and comfortable as home. the only private place where you can have all the freedom with your time, do anything to your liking and get away from the outside world.

I decided to gave myself a generous destress treatment.

1) I washed my body thoroughly in every directions with strawberry favoured shower gel.
2) uses the lavender scented scrub to rub away those dead skins. 
3) applied layers of lotions on every inch of my skin lavishly and lied naked, waiting it to seep into my skin.   
4) lied flat on my bed, facing the air-con and let it blow dry my facial mask ( can't stop staring at the pealed off nose mask when all the blackheads stuck there)
5) listens to classical music while i engrossed in my book at the same time
6) eat fruits, shake legs , watch GUESS x 3 and laughed my heart out
7) afterwards, i gotta hit the bed get my 15 hours of beauty sleep





that's more like chilling out, getting relaxed and no talks. i am happy now(:

 like i promise to myself, i had to update what's been happening recently though what i did these days were quite repetitive. i shall keep it short and sweet. btw, project four has ended, i wouldn't say life is going to be better because who knows i gonna suffer more during SIP.

boring stuffs

i procrastinated for 3 days to get myself started on the project 4
i took approximately one week excluding 10 hours of sleep everyday to accomplish the given task. (go calculate)
i only ate one meal per day because it's already half past 3 when my eyes willing cracked open.
i had skipped school almost everyday ever since it started, only show face on the first day and last day of presentation.
i am pretty excited about my attachment that begins on the 30 of july, in 6 days time.

crap stuffs that i went through everyday

It's been a stupid cycle where my mum and i bickers twice everyday.
i step on the weight machine countless times, times after my mouth does any chewing and swallowing.
i have to daydream of myself being slim and pretty when i woke up in the morning and before going into deep sleep. or else i'll insomnia.
i cursed a person almost every single minute when i am doing nothing. it really isn't easy to hate one person.
it is becoming a habit that opened and closed my refrigerator whenever i walk into kitchen.
my mum starting to develop weird actions as we became closer. trying to get involved in my own activities. she stares at me when i pluck my armpit hair. she kpo who am i talking to when the msn box pops up. pretend that she knows what i am doing, like illustrating.

funny stuff

always handle penknife carefully or else your plight will be like this...like steph



hahas, i have no idea how her flesh being cut apart, according to her expression it's extremely painful. it's funny that she wailed at the mere thought of doctor stitching her flesh.  
smarty her, she used the cigarette filling, wrapped it around on her finger and amazingly the bleeding stops.


my stuffs

yup, this is what make me stayed home for everyday yet i am not satisfied because i know there's imperfections in my workmanship and illustration. i aimed high for this project, guess my goal gonna crush.

okay, here's a short and uninteresting summary i got, good night.

no mood can?

 as much as i want to blog tonight, i am dead tired after all this hard days so please allow me to go missing for one more day and i promise to return with plenty updates.
goodnight everyone, stay tuned here because it going be more happening than ever.

 i have so much to say now but time doesn't allow me to. 

 i am actually dead tired for the fact i slept at 7am this morning and only manage to catch 4 hours of sleep before my day started. my feet are screaming for rest after they get exercised around town. -_______-  

let's talk about my thoughts whenever i can't get sleep. my biological clock is screwed up due to my irregular sleeping hours. i became abnormal because of that. why? because my brain generates massive thoughts and dreams in wee hours and scarily i am like a walking dead meat during the day. i practically can't think of anything logical and commonsensical. ultimately i feel like a retard when the clock is ticking PM.


so what i was saying earlier my thoughts i had in my mind. those big ideas only surfaced up when my brain cracks at midnight and my body is too exhausted to do anything about it.

1) paint the wide stretch of wall in my room, the beginning of refurnishing my room

2) start up a blog shop -___________ - it seems very far-stretched now though but somehow i gonna make it work. just wait and see, don't chuckle

3) buy myself 4 cookie jars. one for holiday trip, one for school fees, another is my life-time saving and last for my girl's expenses.
i shall deposit some notes into each jar everyday and save up slowly. it's way better when you save everything in a coin bank and withdraw everything at one go. * pooof * here go all your efforts. this way of saving is more visible thus effective.

4) i dream, i daze about how my life can be better if i am lighter. i wish, i pray that i could carry out my diet when the sun rise again. for my life, the most hardworking time i had was spend time in thinking how to slim down and eat lesser, avoid events that make me gobble sinful foods. no matter how much i think, it is only working out in my brain not my body. :'(

5) the rest of time i will reflect on myself, hoping to be a better person everyday. i am still looking for my true identity. what do i really exist for? 


all these above, i would then keep them in my mind till morning, wish to remember part and parcel of it so that i can execute my plans. BUT this never happens. sad to say, i have been living in my dreams for 7 years.

it has been quite sometime since i last blogged, as there's nothing big happening in my life. perhaps i have grown up, to complain amd whine about minor stuffs makes me feel childish. that's explain the recent absence of entries this days.

tonight was not an unusual night that inspired me to blog but it's happening enough to let me realise something. whatever it is, don't get your drunk no matter who is with you, or what occasions it is.

sigh, i am too tired to elaborate. i need to catch some sleepp..

second update:

i saw errors in my sentences. hahas, can't be bothered to edit.

this few days had been buzzed with activities before school starts. i'm good, still in one fat fleshy shape after so much dieting. those chalet photos makes me ponder if i have changed so much. becoming fatter yes. 

no, not going to upload photos here. it's too shocking to be seen. 

entries pops up more frequently when i am grounded at home. um, those webpages is loading slow lately, gonna restart my macbook. i have a hunch that my macbook would die soon.  

eh, Boys over Flowers is "a must watch" drama. it is a sin that those boys look so suave. 



hahas, i couldn't type any longer, i am totally addicted to them. OMG

 who is the real scrounger? i had this answer in my mind for some while when i found out something that
was kept away from me.
don't point fingers, if you hold prejudice against me, either talk straight or stop contacting me. why doing those mini
actions at my back, causing threats to my reputation? this is how you treats your friend?
i don't deserve such selfish acts on me, save your breath and start learning to live a better life rather than obtaining
generosity from people.
you know who you are. do some reflections, you need help seriously. i swear i wouldn't bother persuading you getting out
from the situations you got yourself into everytime. because you pretentious woman brought all upon yourself.

streaks of excitement, unsettled heart and wee bit of anxiety is what how i feel now. i had found my SIP company and all this calling, interviewing and accepting happening within one day, no just merely for few hours. it happened so fast like all seems surreal to me.
i didn't expect things to turn out so smoothly for a "last minute" student.

practically when i still collaborating my portfolio, my coursemates has received numerous calls from companies and going for interview respectively. habitually i thought all the companies had already chosen their ideal candidate, which implies my chances of getting companies to REPLY my mail will be extra hard.

yet to my pleasant surprise, the companies i went are real eager to take me in as intern. Praise the Lord. i have no freaking idea why because i wasn't presenting at all, three people just sat around and start looking at my works and judge. mmm, lucky me or they're desperate for interns.

that fellow who kept me waiting for one week , got back to me unexpectedly. initially when i was frantically rushing out my portfolio and worried that i might not get attached to any companies. He appeared like an angel, reassured me that he would bring me into this com.


Of course under desperateness, i am totally thankful for the shelter to hide in but on contrary i am dependent on him, if he fails i would die too. my stake was on his hands hence my mood swings when he gone without a news. 

i didn't bothered to call him for confirmation or reassures.

with whatever time i left with, i obediently did what i am suppose to do. Did my portfolio, type out my resume and send emails. everything is settled, my soul has found a new place to rest on too. no longer worrying and relying on people.

Just as opportunities opened up to me, he came back again. *shake head*  but backed with everything, a man of his words.

whatever it is, my outcome has revealed. after all the rainy and stormy nights i been through, has secured me. if you do your homework, fate is on your hands.

OH, i chose my friend's company over others because of location and familiar environment. somehow i can't choose because he went through some procedure to bring ME in, how could i turn him down? hahas.

 sometimes i am lost for words, like now. though words are floating in my head, still i haven't find the appropriate things to write yet.

argh, i keep backspacing whatever i typed. FORGET IT! Post up some pictures, more practical.

PROUDLY PRESENT MY PORTFOLIO

CHRISTINA 'S PORTFOLIO
,
*phew* i am thrilled that i manage to upload my portfolio by tonight with much help from christbel. Few hours ago, i was scratching my scalp off, frustrated with the upload.
i thought the net is too lousy to upload a file carries approximately 4.4MB hence i changed, replaced and deleted those designs for god knows how many times. i could have used the few hours to send out my emails to those companies can?
ridiculously, it works just by adding " index.html/" behind the url. what the hell man.
okay, i shall stop complain as this is going nowhere.

knowing i am way behind time, i did some adjustment to my lifestyle. little did i realise, i had been home for consecutively three days. literally had my eyes fixed onto the screen roughly for 15 hours a day. my efforts did paid off.
time flies too fast before i can comprehend, that's why i am sacrificing my sleep to accomplish this mission impossible.

i am going to type the critical email for my internship companies, hopefully i can write good. no matter how late i've to stay up, i'll fight till my last breath. hahas, so exaggerating. as of now, it even harder to think because my brain is in red light. *roar* let me used up the every ounce of energy i'm left with before i collapse, please.

no more rubbish. back to work now.

seriously, this is the 64345352 times i have stayed awake throughout the night to rush my designs. Every night when i forced to keep myself awake, i would gobble down whatever food i can find in the kitchen cabinet or tupperwares. i eat though my stomach has yet to digest those foods eariler. i eat while i have nothing else to do when inspirations are tangling around the house but not in me. i eat hoping to think better with the extra calories.  i eat for the sake of killing the frustrations that is pent up every moment, moments when the arrow turns into waiting signal. i eat not because i love eating uncontrollably okay? in fact, i ahbor eating, chewing and swallow. i no longer have appetite to eat in daytime, my cravings only comes at midnight when i'm stressed up. or else, i can just hype around with empty stomach. no problem at all.

looking at my own reflection, my face seems to bloat from the lack of proper sleep at right hours. it's dawn now.  practically my body clock is messed up because my eyes couldn't shut. *growl*

um, i love the sepia photo.